This, my friends, is the last reflection you shall be
reading for the class of Dr. Dan Williams.
That, however, does not mean it will be great or
innovative in any way. In fact, this
will probably be one of the more boring ones, for in this one I am going to
take the theme of reflection and learning seriously. How shall I do that? Thank you for asking. Today I’m going to look at what I’ve learned
in college so far, and how I have changed in the three months I’ve been here.
The answer to that latter question would have to be not
much. Not much at all. I am still the same person as when I left
home. I haven’t changed the slightest. That may or may not be a good thing. I guess it would depend on who you’re
asking. Personally I think there’s
nothing wrong with that, because I was happy with who I was when I came here
and I’m still happy with that person. I
could be better, sure. We can always be
better. The thing is that I could be a heck of a lot worse. I could be on drugs and failing all my classes,
but I’m not.
Having established that I’m not any worse than before,
it now begs the question of whether or not I’m any better. I am somewhat more knowledgeable, and I use
the word somewhat with a purpose. This
being first semester and all, my classes are intros and beginnings. Merely a step past common sense (except math,
math just isn’t common sense at all).
The things I’m learning are basically fine-tuning what I already know
about these subjects, not to mention giving me bigger and more sophisticated
words with which to describe these topics to everyone back home. That isn’t to
say that it’s not interesting, just that I haven’t made any enormous leaps in
my education this semester. Except with
humor. My knowledge on that subject has
skyrocketed and I’ve been so very fascinated with it (I still hate Morreall). I also have greater appreciation for Canada
(well, as much as you can for Canada).
However dismissive I might sound, though, these classes have given me a
solid foundation for next semester, something I very much needed.
So in knowledge we have improvement, how about other
areas? As a person am I better? The same?
Maybe even a tad worse? What has
this experience shown me?
I have discovered that I am much more of a loner than I
had thought. I would have to say that it
is a side effect of my homeschooling, because the only other option is that I’m
a natural recluse. While I don’t deny
that, for it may be true, I prefer to consider it a conditioning rather than a
natural born tendency. Either way, it is
there. I avoid people.
Not to the point where I don’t leave my room except for
classes, but there have been more than a few times when I have not gone to the
BLUU simply because I did not want to come in contact with people. Many times I have sat down with a book or TV
show rather than go out amongst the masses.
Sometimes I don’t know why I’m like that. It’s not that I hate people. Quite the opposite. I thoroughly enjoy hanging out with my
friends and meeting new ones. Most of
the time. Then something happens and
socializing sounds like the most unappealing thing in the world.
If I take a good, long, honest look at myself, I can
find why that is, and it is a self-centered reason. People have problems. People talk about their problems. People unrealistically represent their
problems and shift the fault to everyone except themselves. That’s what friendship is for. To have people who will listen to your problems. And there are times I simply have zero desire
to listen to those problems.
What about going to the BLUU though? There’s no direct contact needed there,
right? Well, to put it bluntly, I am so
very arrogant. You may not be able to
tell right off, if ever, but I am. I see
the world differently than most people, and I have a low tolerance for those
who cannot see. People talk about their
problems and I see the solutions. Almost
always it is directly in front of their faces.
It isn’t a problem with someone or something else, it is a problem with
the way the complainer acts and/or lives daily.
Whatever it is, it is clashing with something else in my troubled friend’s
life, causing his (or her) problem and he (screw gender correctness) is unable
to humble himself enough to acknowledge this and fix it. Nothing I say will help, for the last thing
anyone wants to do after complaining about a problem and berating all those
involved is to admit that they were the problem in the beginning.
Thus I nod. I
smile. I say the appropriately
sympathetic things. For I know that if I
say what I am thinking, it won’t be received.
So I live on in silence, convinced that I am, overall, more intelligent
that the majority of those I meet, young and old alike and only proven wrong in
a few rare cases. This was something I
had suspected about myself earlier, but my college experience has confirmed it
for me.
Now I shall bid you adieu. From my reflections, at least. I hope you enjoyed them, for I have been
remarkably frank herein.
No comments:
Post a Comment